Autumn 2- 13 years later, after Autumn 1 :)

Autumn is a time for change
You've heard it all before, the colours, the range!
But what is it about Autumn that really touches the soul?
The rustling trees in the wind, the burning fire on the coal?

Depends on how you look at it
No-one is the same
Is it a metaphor for life?
Or is it just Nature's game?

No-one can deny
It's a fantastic display of art
From the warming hay in the meadows
To the sunsets that touch the heart

The crispy air when you step out the door
The kids screaming in delight at the leaves galore...
All the things that one can describe
It's hard not to be a cliche when this time arrives

But why hold back when something is so dear?
Isn't there beauty to be found at every moment of the year?

What makes Autumn so special that sets it apart from other seasons?
Why is it taking me so long to think of the reasons?
Perhaps I am looking for more than what is already there
I was better at this as a child, being an adult isn't fair!

So perhaps that is the key
To look at life through children's eyes
Where changes big and small
Are met with wonder and surprise!

Poem- How I feel right now...

I am so bored, help me quick
If I carry on like this, I’ll get really thick
Sick of the whinging, sick of the moans
Saying it all again makes me groan.
What is a girl to do?  I’ll stop and say
Please be over with Friday!

Sleep is needed, it can’t wait
My bed is waiting for me as bait
To draw me in to peaceful slumber
I love it so, is it any wonder?

Living for a life of sleep
Perhaps I should swap it for a jeep
In my dreams, yeah, literally I say
Why would it be any other way?

A jeep to take me through the jungle
Of colour, sounds, I wouldn’t grumble
Beautiful visions, unconscious reality
Psychedelic kaleidoscope of earth defying gravity
Freedom of movement, joy, let’s sing
Sleep truly is mesmerising

Poem- Texture Lady

Lower your head onto the pillow
Breathe in the smell of peace
Fall in deep slumber to the sound of thunder
Cushioned in between the sheets

Feel the silk case caress your cheek
Sliding into the unconscious of sleep
Fall into another world
There is no other place to go

Silk turns to grit to liquid to sand
The texture of dreams
I must try to understand
The places I am visiting

Crawling on all fours through no man’s land
The dirt between my fingers
Confirming my location in danger
And yet I feel safe

Liquid on my skin
So soothing and fresh
Consumes my whole body
In a sea of deep blue

My feet in the hot sand
Scorching in a summer heat
Rubbing against the grain
Cracking with no pain

Weightlessness in air
Cotton delicately lifting me
Into the high atmosphere
Where I drop suddenly

And then I wake up.

Poetry competition

Well!  It has been a few months since I have last been inspired to write a new blog entry.  It has been so utterly quiet at work today and by 9am this morning I had seen everything I wanted to online.  Fast forward to this afternoon and I spot a Serbian/English poetry competition on the Britic site (British-Serbian online magazine).  Having experimented with poetry I thought I might put it out there a bit, although I dare say I am far from experienced and that seems to be a pre-requisite in this competition.  Gahhhh!  What have I got to lose? I may be a little unrefined...but what I have is mine, it's me and it's unique.  I don't have to base my poetry on some pompous-headed words-worth (no pun intended).  I have until 20th December to hand in up to 4 entries, at a cost of £3 each.  If you also wish to participate, here is the link: http://www.ebritic.com/?p=215336  Do make sure to read the flyer and terms and conditions before submitting as there are rules to follow regarding safeguarding your identity for a fair result.

I'll spend the rest of my afternoon letting the words flow, but I shall not force anything.  I sometimes find that the best poetry is organic, free-floating words that somehow bind together to sense an atmosphere or emotion.  Enough with the confusion- lets just be us.

I've uploaded some of my old poems after this post, if you care to comment please do.  It'll be nice to receive some thoughts of which one I should submit.

Poem- Subtlety is a fine art

Subtlety it a fine art
Not everyone understands
What it means to consider your words
Or listen to the story at hand

Differing opinions
Do not pose a problem per say
Wavelengths of articulation
Cause the real disarray

Not to say that opinions don't matter
Everyone has the right
But when you cannot argue
You are asking for a fight

So perhaps it's better
To think before you speak
Lest you look like a fool
And lose the respect you seek!

Poem- Leaving one day

Leaving one day

Not born here out of choice
Struggling to leave
The prison city circle
Making a battery out of me

To make it all more bearable
Spend more money than I have
Have fun in intervals
Then the debt gets really bad

The circle gains momentum
I get in it deeper
I want to leave so badly
Have become a chronic sleeper

To escape the daily drudgery
The escalating loneliness
Of this singles city
That holds nothing but emptiness

Yet survive I must
And one day leave the circle mill
On the edge of despair
I lean entirely on God's will

Where I go will not be easy
And difficult in other ways I'm sure
But what I know is I shall never be short of company
Or support if the situation gets sore

We'll stick in it together
United we will stand
Practise there has been
It'll come in hand

Money I still won't have
May meet dire straits
But at least I'm on my own soil
And not within these prison gates

I'll be at the heart of the last bastion
Of my people's soul
I'll fight to the end with those that are left
Who do not want them to ruin it all

I'll feel real seasons
Be cold, wind-swept and wet
The Summer months will be golden
Skin warming the best yet

Colour will return to my body
Surroundings will energise my soul
The countryside a stone's throw away
Awaiting my call

If perfection would have it
I don't ask a lot
I'd have enough savings
To buy a house and a plot

We'd thrive and work
To our own time and delight
Enjoy the fruits of our labour
Now that to me would be a sight!

You would all be welcome
To indulge in this retreat
In the Summer we'd swim in the lake
In the Winter we would warm your feet

A sanctuary would manifest
Where you could leave your troubles behind
And slow down to realise
That infinity has the time.
 

I wish I had something nice to say....

....but I think it's only fair that I should document my struggles as much as anything else!  What a difference this is from the initial gusto I set out on...  it just goes to show you can start something with the best intentions and then all of a sudden start sabotaging yourself and your hard work.  Perhaps it's a good idea writing this down in order to see where this destructive behaviour comes from.

 

Probably a bit T.M.I (too much information) for my male readers, but for the past 10 days I have been suffering from extreme P.M.S (pre-menstrual syndrome) and I have never had it this bad before.  It is somewhat surprising, as before it started I thought I was eating quite healthily and religiously drinking good quality supplements.  Alas, it is not enough so it appears!  I've been feeling like an evil, agressive, over-tired witch!  On Friday I was thinking about something my boss said to me the previous week and got myself so angry that I started to look for other jobs online!  Funnily enough it didn't bother me that much when he actually said it to me at the time.  Sigh.   As a result of this emotional turmoil I embarked on a week of indulgent bingeing.  Not just tasty things, anything I could get my hands on.  Comfort eating at it's best!  I'm still in the process of tailing it off but there is nothing I'd rather do now than eat for pleasure as I'm feeling so damn tired, stressed and depressed at the moment.  I know I could do with a holiday, when I'll get one is another story.  I could run away to the Tara Mountain for a couple of weeks, I know it would refresh my body and soul.  For the moment, just looking at pictures and visualising myself there provides some sort of small relief.
 

I also have projects outside of the weight-loss that I need to focus on, such as my husband's visa application form and job search.  Perhaps the thought of this weighs down on me more than what it would if I were actually doing it now, but I have to wait for the weekend when I have the time.  At the moment it's really stressing me out and frightening me, so much so that I just want to dive for cover under my duvet and stay asleep until it all sorts itself out.  I am wiped out and drained.  Batteries used.  I'm a bumbling mess and my words are slurring.   I moan around the flat like a restless emo teenager.  I don't want to do anything anymore.  I relinquish!  Now pass me that coffee, cake, prosciutto and everything inbetween.